Tuesday 15 October 2013

Answer me this...

After a few weeks of mind- blowing, thought provoking, slightly heavy blogs, I thought I'd stop being so inspiring before someone nominated me for some form of award or started creating random pictures of beaches with my quotes over the top.
I thought I'd write down a few topics that were keeping my brain busy, but aside from " did Miley Cyrus get chafe from the wrecking ball"and "why is Sonny Bill Williams so spectacularly beautiful", I came up a bit short.
What I did come up with was a series of questions I'd like my children to answer so that I can pen my own Parenting Manual because sometimes the old, "here's your baby, good luck" thing is a little disenchanting.
I sat my kids down & asked them a few of these questions... Kairo wasn't interested, though he did manage to climb the book case several times with a mouth filled with tiny teddies & whilst London was slightly more helpful, in the end Dora the Explorer won out. It's hard to not want to focus on her cute little misshaped head and talking back pack (Dora's, that is).
So I thought I'd put a few of them out there for you, (my questions, not my children....) to ask your own kids, in the hope that their expertise will help me construct a Parenting Manual so powerful that Oprah Winfrey will come out of retirement so she can sit me on her couch.

So in no particular order (other than numbered down one side) here are a few highly academic research questions;
1. Why is it you won't eat the food I have spent hours (10 minutes) preparing and serving on a plate, but you'll dig into the bin to find something to munch?
2. Why do you fight sleep? Sleep is a beautiful thing that makes you less likely to turn into the spawn of satan and means mummy only needs to drink one bucket of coffee a day.
3. How do you know the things I don't want you to touch? And why do you choose these to be the thing you want to play with most?
4. Why is it that before we do groceries you don't require to use the toilet, but half way through doing them your bladder is suddenly filled with enough fluid to recreate Niagara Falls?
5. Is there a secret code I'm unaware of that signals you to ask every question you've ever imagined as soon as I put the phone to my ear?
6. How do you know that Daddy will always say yes to questions if Mummy says no?
7. On mornings that Daddy has to get up with you, you sleep till 7:30am, but on Dad's morning to sleep in, you're up at 5:30am ? Is this because you love me more and want to spend a few extra hours of daylight with me?
I could go on, but, to be fair to the children answering these questions, I best keep it short & sweet. Let's be honest, attention span is not a forte of many little people .. and lots of big people (mainly Daddies) for that matter.
Things I do know from having 2 positively delightful, precious-ly porky & slightly cheeky little people is that it doesn't matter how old they get or how much practice I get in, I will probably never have the answer to all their questions or mine and I think, just maybe, that's half the fun of it.
So until I know why using the lounge as a trampoline as soon as mummy sits down with a hot coffee seems like a good idea, I will continue to loudly ask questions like.. HEY! YOU! IS THIS THE CIRCUS?? SIT DOWN!
And until I understand what is so appealing about drinking sauce out of the bottle, I will keep locking the fridge & stashing sauce on the highest shelf, for best, non- saliva filled keeping.
But more than anything else I will keep loving and laughing through every moment of madness & add them to the memory bank of life, for when questions get more serious & answers are even harder to discover.
*Insert random waves crashing on beach photo*
"Raising children is like riding a roller coaster, it's filled with ups and downs, moments of total exhilaration & times of pure horror, so take a deep breath, hold on tight & enjoy the ride."

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